Eight Words to Begin to Release

There are words we can steer away from in our vocabulary as much as possible in order to raise the energetic vibration of our communication.  In my experience, there is an energy associated with words.  Certain words carry an quality that have a tendency to draw energy down and can be considered negative in nature as well as put others on the defense when we use those words during communication.  It takes time to change a habit, so this shift will not happen overnight.  Be patient with yourself and in time you will see gradual changes in your communications as these words are slowly released from your vocabulary.

Before I list the words to release, I’ll first talk briefly about how change takes place.  There is a natural process of change and various stages we go through for the change to occur.  Once you are consciously aware of something and actively working to change it, it will take time to completely disappear and will diminish over time.  To remove words from our vocabulary, it takes commitment to the process of change.  We start with this commitment by paying careful attention to our thoughts in order to identify the words we are currently using.   It’s helpful to begin with a specific word and practice the process of identification and release for a 21-day period.  Once you have reached the end of the 21 days and actively participated in the change process, the use of the word will be greatly reduced.  It’s important to remain aware of your thoughts during the process as well as offer yourself some flexibility to release it slowly.  

Here is a list of the common words we use that are beneficial to release from our vocabulary.  

1. Always - always indicates black & white thinking.  When we use the word always we are saying there has never been an exception and it happens 100% of the time.  Example: “He is always angry with me”.  I would venture to guess this isn’t the case and there are times when this isn’t true.

2. Never - goes along the same lines as always.  Example: “I never win”.  Again, I’d venture to guess there has been at least 1 time the person has won.

3. But - this word generally negates the part of the sentence prior to the but.  Example:  “I want to lose weight, but it is going to be hard”.  The mind tends to steer itself to the 2nd part of the sentence.

4. Can’t - this implies an inability to do something.  Example: “I can’t let that betrayal go”.  The truth is we usually have a choice.  You can let the betrayal go.  It may take commitment and work on the practice of forgiveness, but it can be done if you choose to do so.

5. Try - this usually indicates a lack of commitment or desire.  “I’ll try to make it on Saturday”.  This generally means the person won’t be there or doesn’t want to because something else may take priority.  Change this one to I will or I will not and if it is a case where you are prefer to do something else first, put it out there as I will based on those circumstances as that indicates a clear choice you are making. 

6. Maybe - this is very similar to try.  Maybe indicates doubt or uncertainty.  Again, use I will or I will not dependent upon circumstances.  

7. Should - this can be a strong word on self and others.  “I should have done it this way” or “you should have said no”.  The thing about should is it implies that a person knew what would happen before a choice was made.  Most times in life, we make choices based on the best information at the time and only after the event do we uncover a more effective way of doing something or handling a situation.  Give yourself some leeway on this one.

8. Need - I believe needs are more about necessities versus desires.  Example: “I need to go to the store today”.  The question becomes is this a necessity, do I have to do this or there will be serious consequences that will cause survival issues if I don’t do it?  Sometimes, the word need pressures us to get something done.  I question if the pressure of the word need is necessary?  I believe that in order to own our personal power fully, we are best when decisions are made based on choice and we leave the word “need” to the true circumstances of survival.

I have found these words most powerful in our vocabulary and worthy to start releasing.  When we utilize our minds fully to release these words, it is an act of personal power and an act of making more consciously clear choices.  Some of the words being released will help build confidence and help relationships function more effectively and improve communication because of the subconscious meanings that lie just under the surface.  

What Purpose are Your Emotions Serving for You?

Emotions can be so confusing at times and many of us want to immediately be rid of what we are feeling, especially when those emotions become overwhelming.  As part of the human race we experience emotions and our emotions really do serve a purpose for us.  They serve a purpose in our lives, our relationships, our jobs, our families and they even keep us safe in certain situations, so we want to be able to feel those emotions and learn from them.  The challenge is to not get locked up in the emotions or to be so focused on them that the emotions take over our very being.  The primary definition that explains emotions best for me is this: “A mental state that arises spontaneously rather than through conscious effort and is often accompanied by physiological changes; a feeling: the emotions of joy, sorrow, reverence, hate, and love.”  I like to define words often so as to ensure everyone is on the same page as different words mean different things to different people.  Now that I’ve clarified what emotions are, the question is how do they truly serve us?  And can we get rid of them?  I’ll first start with how our emotions serve us and then discuss releasing them.  

Emotions provide us pertinent information in our lives.  If someone is experiencing guilt for example, I pose the question to that person “What purpose is guilt serving for you?”  Generally speaking, the answer comes back that the person is feeling guilty about what they did so they know not to do it again.  Perfect.  Guilt served its purpose to teach that person where they stand on a specific issue and guilt is speaking to say please do not repeat that behavior again, it has consequences you don’t like.  Now, once the person has come to realize the purpose for the feeling, does it serve a purpose to feel those feelings any longer?  I say no.  At the point one learns the reason for the feeling, he/she can choose to let it go and release it.  It may come back from time to time on that particular issue as a reminder, but there is no real reason to keep holding on to it.  If the person cannot let it go, there is more to be learned about those feelings of guilt.  I would ask the person to delve deeper to discover the reason he/she is holding onto that guilt.  Asking yourself questions is crucial to uncovering what purpose an emotion is serving or why you are holding on to it.  

Ultimately, if there is no need to hold onto it, we can choose in our minds to release it.  

If using the mind is not working effectively to release the emotion, there is somatic work we can do to help release it further.  We can breathe deeply through our nose, hold for a few seconds, and exhale out our nose slowly.  We can repeat this exercise over and over and allow the feeling to be present and let it slowly dissipate out of our being.  If there is still a remnant of the feeling, we can sit with it quietly and let it be there without fighting it.  Fighting our feelings creates a counterforce and makes the feelings come on stronger, so sitting with those feelings helps to take away some or all of the power away from our feelings.  

A final exercise that I personally use is a powerful exercise that I found through Eckhart Tolle’s work.  It truly helps to keep me in the present moment and focusing on the now.  You use your mind to put your attention first on your feet and hold your attention there for 5-15 seconds then move up the body to the ankles for 5-15 seconds, then to the lower legs for 5-15 seconds and continually move up the body doing this pattern until you reach the head and focused there for 5-15 seconds.  In most cases, the attention has been moved to our bodies and we have become so relaxed that the feeling has passed and served its full purpose. 

There are cases where the emotions we are feeling are much larger than what is being discussed here, grief for example, which requires we talk to someone and do much deeper work in order to manage through those particular emotions.   Grief is not intended to move out of our lives so quickly and much more work needs to be done around letting go of grief and sadness.  

One can use all of the techniques I’ve mentioned time and again as different emotions surface.  Be patient through the process as some emotions have more to teach us than others and won’t go away until we delve deep enough to learn what they are trying to teach us.